Who Gives a Fuck?

Just like you, I’ve spent countless moments tangled in life’s petty concerns, those tiny, pesky gnats that buzz incessantly in our ears.

Like that opening sentence, for example.

I LABORED over that shit. (Should there be a comma after the word pesky??) If it stressed you out, it’s because I fussed over it.

My bad! I’ll explain.

We humans are a bit like emotional sponges. We soak up the moods and vibes of those around us, thanks to something called “emotional contagion.” Picture yourself sneezing emotions onto others. You’re stressed, you sneeze stress onto them. You’re calm, you sneeze calm onto them. I just sneezed anxiety all over you with the first sentence of this article. Bless me.

I’m Forbes, and I’m a recovering human stress ball. Let me tell you about a new mindfulness practice I’ve picked up.

It’s not Zen meditation, it’s not yoga, it’s not deep breathing. It’s something far more straightforward. It’s about asking myself, “Who gives a fuck?”

Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain. This isn’t a call to become some apathetic hermit, nor is it an invitation to court chaos and reject social norms. It’s about figuring out how to best invest your energy into yourself and to the people around you.

My latest existential crisis (remember, recovering human stress ball) illuminated a brilliant breakthrough for me: nobody gives a fuck about you, what you’ve done, your skills, your looks, your personality, or what you’ll accomplish.

All people will remember about you is how you made them feel.

Have you ever been around somebody really stressed out? They’re projecting what I like to call, “Fretful energy”. Everybody around them absorbs that. You will forever remember them as that person that makes everybody else stressed out.

Don’t be that guy.

As my dear friend Ellie told me repeatedly “take that rock out of your backpack, jackass.”

Empathy isn’t just a word that gets thrown around in self-help books. It’s our brain’s fantastic ability to mirror the feelings of others, thanks to these superhero cells called “mirror neurons.” So, if you’re stressed about some bullshit like whether your latte is exactly 167 degrees, don’t be surprised if the person you’re talking to starts worrying about some bullshit too.

Let’s flip the script. Imagine you stop worrying about some bullshit and instead you’re concentrating on what really matters. What happens then? You’re calm, you’re focused, you’re the epitome of chill. And guess what? That’s what you sneeze onto others.

Here’s the real kicker: those positive emotions you’re now projecting, they’re like super glue for memories. When you make others feel good, it sticks in their memory. So, you get remembered as that cool, calm person who makes them feel good. Alright, alright, alright….

Yeah, you all just pictured Matthew McConaughey.

See what I’m saying?

So, in essence, the energy you exude is like your own personal sitcom. You can make it a stressed-out, chaotic mess that no one wants to tune into, or you can make it a calm, focused, brilliantly layered masterpiece. The choice is yours. What’s your pick?

I’ll clean up the language for those that have made it thus far. “Some bullshit” = “tiny pebbles.”

Every day we’re inundated with tiny pebbles that we let weigh us down. The more we focus on these, the more they multiply, like a magician pulling an endless chain of scarves from a hat.

Say, as an example, you’ve just started a blog to share your insights about mindful living. You notice another blogger gets hundreds of likes within an hour of posting, while your post gets a fraction of that. You could obsess over their numbers, or you could ask yourself “Who gives a fuck?” about the likes and instead focus on improving your content and genuinely connecting with your readers. The small stuff — the immediate likes and shares — fall away as you work on creating impactful content.

Speaking of genuinely connecting with your readers, maybe give them a more relatable example of a tiny pebble?

Let’s say you’re driving to a significant meeting. Suddenly, someone cuts you off on the highway. You could spend the rest of your drive seething over the rude driver, or you could ask yourself, “Who gives a fuck?” about their poor driving manners and use the drive time to mentally prepare for your meeting. Your drive becomes less stressful, and your mind is clear to tackle the bigger challenge ahead.

Also, I said I’d clean up the language. I didn’t. Who gives a fuck?

Both of these scenarios paints a picture of a world where you’re in control. Not of everything that happens, but of your reactions to them and your decision about where to place your energy.

Is this, whatever you’re focusing on, something worth sneezing about? Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Is it a pebble or a boulder in the path of your life journey?

When you start thinking in terms of boulders, not pebbles, something wonderful happens.

All the small stuff? It falls away, like magic!

(SUPER HACK-Y MAGICIAN CALL BACK BUT WHO GIVES A FUUUUCK???)

Anyways, the small stuff becomes background noise. Suddenly, you’re not just surviving, you’re conquering. You’re not aimlessly running around, you’re purposefully moving forward.

Focusing on your boulders is an exercise in courage.

It’s about tackling the big, daunting issues that can actually alter the course of our lives. These are the beasts worth taming, the mountains worth climbing — the sneezes worth having.

When we engage with substantial challenges, we’re likely to experience a sense of achievement and satisfaction, releasing dopamine in our brains, a neurotransmitter linked to feelings of pleasure and motivation. Ahhhh Choooo and you’re out here sneezing dopamine on everybody around you. Bless you.

When we invest our scarce resource — our mental and emotional energy — in tackling significant challenges, we’re likely to derive more value and personal growth compared to spending that energy on trivial matters. Protect your mental and emotional energy — ask “Who gives a fuck?” more. (Merch idea 💡Could be a bumper sticker or T-shirt, not sure yet…)

Tackling boulders contributes to our personal growth, influences how we make others feel, and shapes how we’re remembered.

I know, I know. “Forbes, why should I care about how other people will remember me. ‘Who gives a fuck?,’ right?”

Read on. Or don’t. Your legs are going numb on the toilet, I know. Who gives a fuck?

Re: Who gives a fuck? about why I should care about how other people will remember me?

Well, yes and no.

If you back out on risks and potential failures because of how others will remember us, yeah, ‘who gives a fuck?’ applies.

However, influencing how we make others feel and how they remember us is deeply connected to inspiring and positively impacting those around us, and science provides robust reasons why this is noble.

From a neuroscience perspective, when we inspire others (in this case, leading by example of conquering our own boulders) we stimulate the release of “feel-good” neurotransmitters in their brains, such as dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals are associated with feelings of happiness, motivation, trust, and bonding. In a sense, by tackling our own boulders we’re directly contributing to other’s overall well-being.

Furthermore, when we inspire others, we often encourage them to engage in positive behaviors or tackle their own boulders. This, in turn, contributes to their personal growth and self-improvement. By being a source of inspiration, we’re facilitating others’ personal development, which is a noble cause in itself.

From a social psychology standpoint, when we inspire others, we enhance our social connections and improve social cohesion. We’re contributing to the strength and health of our communities, creating positive ripple effects beyond our immediate interactions. This not only benefits the individuals we directly interact with but also the broader community.

Moreover, the positive emotions and memories we instill in others can lead to a reciprocal cycle of positivity. This is underpinned by the “broaden-and-build theory” of positive emotions, which suggests that positive emotions broaden our mindset and help us build lasting personal resources. By making others feel good, we’re helping to equip them with the mindset and resources to deal with future challenges and thrive.

Finally, caring about how we’re remembered means we’re considering the long-term impact of our actions, which aligns with the concept of legacy. A positive legacy is one of the most significant contributions we can make. It’s about leaving the world a little better than we found it, impacting lives beyond our own, and creating lasting change.

Okay, I know, wrap this article up, right?

So, here’s a simple, three-step process to practice “Who gives a fuck?” :

Step 1: Recognize and Pause

Whenever you find yourself stressing over pebbles (some bullshit) pause for a moment. Recognize what’s happening. Is this worth your mental and emotional energy? Is this what you want to infect the people around you with? By acknowledging what’s causing your stress, you initiate the process of mindful decision-making.

Step 2: Evaluate and Decide

Now that you’ve recognized the cause, it’s time to evaluate. Ask yourself, “Who gives a fuck?” Be brutally honest. Consider the larger picture of your life, your goals, and your well-being. If the issue isn’t going to matter in a week, a month, or a year, it’s likely not worth your energy. Realize nobody else gives a fuck.

Step 3: Redirect Your Energy

Having decided nobody else gives a fuck, redirect your energy towards more important things. Use your cognitive resources, the ones you’ve freed up from not sweating the small stuff, to tackle the boulders. Remember, when you conquer your own boulders, you: A. Conquer a boulder; B. Cement your legacy; and C. Live towards your highest potential.

The Change Agents Academy is full of like-minded people like you. Join us.

Who gives a fuck?